One thing I wish more people knew about EMDR therapy is that it’s not just about the past.
In fact, a good amount of trauma therapy can be about the present.
And when I start working with someone, I really want to know what is bringing them to therapy right now. What is it in their present life that is a trigger or a stuck point, or something that just really needs to change?
Together we establish goals based on what the priority is and where we want to go from here.
Usually we begin with safety and stabilization, which is where we find new ways to cope with triggers and to navigate them safely. We can learn new coping skills and new communication skills, depending on what someone needs.
After stabilization and resource development I then complete EMDR Phase One, which is more extensive trauma memory treatment planning. In EMDR Phase 1 we begin with the present situation and the present triggers, then follow the memory network back in time to identify earlier memories contributing to present difficulties. This floatback process is how we identify which memories from the past are important to revisit and work through: it’s all connected to that present priority.
And so together, we travel down this memory network or timeline and identify, “Okay, there’s a memory at age 20, or a memory at age 15, or a memory at age 10 that are all connected to this presenting issue, this thing that’s really important to you that you want to resolve.”
Usually, a negative belief like, “I am not good enough,” “I am unlovable,” “I am not deserving of respect,” has developed as a result of these earlier memories, and is continuing to impact that person today. It’s helpful to identify these negative beliefs so we can work on more adaptive beliefs throughout our work together.
Once we have this presenting issue and the relevant past history outlined, we can then decide where it makes sense to begin. When someone encounters trauma-related triggers in the future, how do they want to respond differently than they do in the present? What kind of healing do we want to achieve? We use this to guide the work.
In EMDR therapy, the focus is not only digging through the past.
It’s really about what serves your present best.
EMDR therapy can be practiced in a collaborative, individualized way. In my experience, better outcomes follow when we invest time in the therapeutic relationship and alliance. We develop resources to help you regulate your nervous system and understand your inner world.
I like to integrate depth psychotherapy and ego state or parts interventions into EMDR. And I don’t mean parts like more fragmented pieces of the personality, although sometimes that is how someone’s personality is organized. I mean, if you take a deep breath and look inside of yourself and ask yourself, how do I feel about doing this work? What different thoughts, emotions, or perspectives do I have about it? And then really invite all of yourself to participate.
What’s amazing is that when we’re able to work with the inner world in this way, really engaging with a lot of curiosity and self-compassion, we often don’t have the same types of bumps in the road that we get when we bypass this.
So, for example, a lot of what we’re doing comes from, you know, a learned response, like a protective response. And so when we’re trying to change, we might have a little bit of internal push-back or internal whiplash.
And so if we’re able to actually have curiosity with ourselves and some self-compassion, we can engage those parts of us that are pushing back against the change we want to make and ask, okay, how does this part actually serve me? What does it do for me? How can I address the concerns of this part?
So, a very common thing, right, is that in trauma therapy, we want to work on finding healthy ways to relax. Okay? And a lot of people, you say, “Okay, let’s work on relaxation.” And internally, it’s like, “Nope, absolutely not. I’m not going to relax. It’s not safe to relax. Forget it.” Right?
But if we don’t actually invite that part to be present in the session and talk through it and work with, you know, why it’s hard to relax, then we just get stuck there, right?
And it can feel very frustrating, like, okay, well, my therapist gave me this exercise to relax, and I’m not relaxed. In fact, now I feel angry, or I feel disconnected, or whatever the case may be.
So, basically, the takeaway here is that it can be really helpful to approach trauma therapy with curiosity and to just take it slow, to take it steady, and to engage any protective or defensive dynamics or stuck points rather than trying to avoid or override them.
There’s this saying, “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast,” and I think that really applies to this work. When we’re intentional about what we’re doing and communicate openly throughout the process—practicing those secure attachment behaviors of giving open and direct feedback and taking things step by step—we can actually make meaningful progress.
If you’d like to learn more about trauma therapy and how it might be helpful to you, please feel free to reach out to me today.
