Understanding Attachment and Relational Patterns in Therapy

I offer online therapy for attachment and relationship concerns throughout California, in addition to in-person sessions in North County San Diego.

Understanding Attachment Styles in Relationships

Attachment styles are often used to describe the ways people tend to regulate their emotions in relationships, especially during moments of closeness, conflict, or separation. Terms like anxious, avoidant, and disorganized are not diagnoses, but shorthand ways of describing patterns that can develop over time in response to early relational experiences and our innate temperament.

I also hold some reservations about how attachment language is sometimes used, particularly when it becomes weaponized during relational conflict. Attachment patterns are not fixed categories. They can shift over time, and stress or other contextual factors can influence how they show up in a given relationship.

Anxious attachment
People with anxious attachment patterns often value closeness and connection in relationships. During moments of distance or perceived separation, they may feel heightened anxiety or worry about the relationship. In times of conflict, they may seek reassurance or emotional closeness from their partner as a way of helping themselves feel more regulated.

Avoidant attachment
People with avoidant attachment patterns often value independence and emotional space. During conflict or emotionally intense moments, they may feel overwhelmed and instinctively pull back or shut down. Taking space or time alone can help them regulate their emotions and regain a sense of equilibrium.

Disorganized attachment
Disorganized attachment patterns often involve a mix of both longing for closeness and feeling overwhelmed by it. Relationships can feel confusing at times, with a person torn between seeking connection and pulling away when things feel too intense or uncertain.

How therapy can help with relationship problems

My work is trauma-informed, attachment-aware, and grounded in depth-oriented psychotherapy. Rather than focusing on rigid attachment labels, we approach these patterns with curiosity and compassion, exploring how they developed, what they once protected, and how they may be shifting now. When appropriate, I integrate EMDR to help process relational experiences, including relational trauma, that remain emotionally charged or “stuck.” You can read more about my practice of EMDR here.

I often help people learn and practice skills in therapy that support attachment security, including: emotion identification, emotion regulation, assertive communication, validation, boundary awareness and boundary setting, and conflict resolution skills.

Attachment work often overlaps with identity exploration and differentiation, such as navigating family or cultural expectations, religious deconstruction, or changes in sexuality or self-understanding. To read more about how I support people with identity exploration, creativity, and self-expression, navigate here.

Getting Started

Reach out today to schedule a free 15 to 30 minute consultation: Let’s see if we’re a good fit. Email me with your availability at kristen@kristenhornung.com and we can find a time to connect. You may also leave me a message by calling (619) 202-1481