Navigating Holiday Stress with Trauma-Informed Self-Care
The holidays and family gatherings can be meaningful and joyful…and they can also feel like being trapped in a pressure cooker.
For many people, family events activate nervous system responses shaped by earlier experiences. Impactful memories could include conflict, emotional or physical abuse, addiction, or unpredictable family dynamics. Add in expectations to participate, perform, or “keep the peace,” along with stressors like finances, food, substance use, or clashing values, and it’s understandable if your body reacts before you even arrive.
If this resonates with you, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Past experiences often shape present responses, and trauma memories can remain active long after the original events have passed. Support from a trauma-informed therapist can be helpful if these patterns continue to impact your life.
Below are educational self-care strategies, not personalized therapeutic advice. Take what fits, and leave the rest.
A Practical Framework for Holiday Self-Care (DBT’s ABC PLEASE Skills)
1. Accumulate Positive Emotions
This includes both short-term and long-term actions.
In the short term, ask yourself: What could small, healthy action could help me feel a pleasant emotion today? This might include listening to music, taking a walk, doing something creative, or spending time with someone supportive.
In the long term, this involves intentionally shaping a life that feels meaningful — such as pursuing training or education, reevaluating relationships, reconnecting with creativity, or making other big changes that are aligned with your values.
2. Build Mastery
This step focuses on actions that help you feel capable, grounded, and empowered.
Ask yourself:
- When do I feel most competent or empowered?
- What activities help me feel strong or skilled?
If this feels hard to identify, consider past experiences or ask a trusted person what strengths they see in you. Building mastery helps counter feelings of helplessness by reinforcing agency.
3. Cope Ahead
Coping ahead means planning for emotionally challenging situations before they happen.
For family events, this might include:
- Eating beforehand
- Attending substance-free
- Bringing a supportive ally
- Identifying boundaries in advance
- Creating “if–then” plans (e.g., If someone crosses my boundaries, then I will step outside to take a break or leave early)
The more specific the plan, the easier it is to follow through when emotions are high.
4. PLEASE: Take Care of Your Body to Support Your Mind
This includes:
- Managing physical health conditions
- Supporting sleep and nutrition
- Avoiding mood-altering substances
- Engaging in body movement that feels supportive (not punitive or appearance-focused)
Think of it this way: before a demanding situation, you want as many cognitive and emotional resources available as possible. Basic care matters.
A Final Thought
Self-care isn’t about perfection or indulgence. It’s about responding to yourself with realism, compassion, and preparation, especially during stressful times.
If family events consistently feel overwhelming or activating, therapy can help you understand what’s happening and explore new ways of responding.
Learn more about my approach to therapy by visiting my FAQ.
Reach out today to schedule a free 15 to 30 minute consultation: Let’s see if we’re a good fit! Email me with your availability and we can find a time to connect at kristen@kristenhornung.com or call me at (619) 202-1481