Rethinking Self-Care
When people think about self-care, they often imagine things like massages, pedicures, or shopping trips. While those can be enjoyable, they aren’t the whole picture, and for many people, they aren’t what’s most helpful in moments of stress.
Today, I want to offer a different way of thinking about self-care; one that’s more practical, accessible, and grounded in how our nervous systems actually work.
A “Parent and Toddler” Model of Self-Care
One way I like to think about self-care is through a parenting lens. Imagine that you are both the parent and the toddler.
When something stressful or overwhelming comes up, you can ask yourself:
What do I need right now so I’m best equipped to respond well?
That might sound simple, but it’s surprisingly powerful.
Meet Basic Needs First
When stress is high, it’s easy to skip over basic needs, even though they play a huge role in emotional regulation and problem-solving.
Some questions you might ask yourself:
- Am I hungry?
- Do I need water?
- Do I need to move my body?
Movement doesn’t have to mean a workout. It can be stretching, a short walk, an impromptu dance, or even something grounding like pressing your arms and legs into a doorframe to activate your muscles.
Sensory Needs Matter Too
Sometimes what we need isn’t movement—it’s a sensory reset.
That might look like:
- Putting in noise-canceling headphones
- Stepping into a quieter space
- Washing your hands with cold water
- Reducing stimulation, or intentionally adding grounding sensations
We all have different sensory needs, and they can change depending on stress levels. Even small adjustments can make a meaningful difference.
Physical Health Is Part of Self-Care
Self-care also includes tending to physical health:
- Taking prescribed medications (or discussing concerns with your doctor)
- Prioritizing sleep
- Eating regularly
- Getting movement that feels supportive rather than punishing
There’s extensive research showing that when we’re sleep-deprived, under-nourished, over-worked, or chronically stressed, our ability to think clearly and regulate emotions is impaired.
The Power of Play & Connection
Sometimes self-care looks like play:
- Doing something light, silly, or fun
- Connecting with a friend
- Giving yourself permission to enjoy something small
This may sound trivial, but play and connection are deeply regulating for the nervous system.
A Simple Cognitive Tool: “How Important Is This?”
One final self-care tool I often share comes from cognitive-behavioral therapy. When you’re caught in worry or self-criticism, ask yourself:
- Will this matter in 5 minutes?
- 5 hours?
- 5 days?
- 5 years?
Some things truly are urgent and deserve immediate attention. Others feel urgent because of anxiety, guilt, or old patterns, even if they won’t have lasting impact.
This exercise can help “right-size” a problem: not minimizing what matters, but also not letting everything feel like an emergency.
A Closing Note
These reflections aren’t meant to be clinical or prescriptive advice, just ways of thinking about self-care that many people might find more realistic and compassionate. Take what resonates, and leave the rest.
Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate. Often, it’s about responding to yourself with curiosity, kindness, and attunement, especially when things feel hard.
Learn more about my approach to therapy by visiting my FAQ.
Reach out today to schedule a free 15 to 30 minute consultation: Let’s see if we’re a good fit! Email me with your availability and we can find a time to connect at kristen@kristenhornung.com or call me at (619) 202-1481